My Wedding Advice
We’re starting the Family section of Wisdom Nuggets. The tentative outline is: My Wedding Advice (this one), Reasons to Have Children, About Raising Children, Family Traditions, Christmas Letters and Photo Books.
Sean invited me to offer some words of advice at his wedding reception. The DJ thought I was giving a toast, and was not amused when I went on for a little while. Natalie’s dad, Brian, saved me by opening his remarks with a joke about how long I talked, then talking longer than I had.
The audience at a wedding reception includes parents and grandparents, but mostly a bunch of young married couples, and another bunch of young unmarried people who are thinking about it. I did not spend my opportunity advising people on how to have a successful marriage. Partly because I got lucky, and I’m not sure how to reduce that to advice. Sheila said yes to my proposal, and I’ve loved her with all my heart ever since. Instead, I chose to talk about children. With that bit of background, here’s my wedding advice:
1. Get married. With a little bit of luck, it will be the best thing that ever happens to you. It’s been the best thing that ever happened to me.
2. Have children. Note the plural. With a little luck, it will be the second best thing that ever happens to you. Having children is for them, obviously, but also for you. You’re not done growing up yourselves until you’ve raised children. Like the Grinch, your heart will grow larger. Does it feel great when someone loves you? No one will ever love you like your children do, especially in their first ten years. The second ten can be hard, but that’s by design. It’s the only way you’ll ever let them leave home! Through the remaining tens of years, you’ll cherish every moment with them, and wish somehow that you could spend more time with them.
3. Read to your children. Every day. For years. Once they are readers, keep reading aloud to and with them. Keep it up at least until they get their drivers licenses. Some of my favorite words from Sean were, “Can we read another chapter?” There’s nothing like lounging around a fire on a cold, rainy winter evening, passing around a novel and reading it aloud to each other. This will be the best part of your children’s education.
4. Play outdoors with your children. As much as you can. Get them in sports, and go to all their games. Involve them in outdoor adventures: hiking, bicycling, swimming, playing on the beach, sailing, paddling, fishing, camping and camp fires. Sun and fresh air and moving their bodies will do wonders for your children, and for you. Make it a way of life.
5. When they get married, and bring other peoples’ children into your lives, they may ask you to give advice. Keep it short.