About Raising Children
This is the 4th chapter of Wisdom Nuggets, and the second “About…” nugget. My children were the beneficiaries of 3 bits of my wild good fortune. First, Sheila married me. Second, the three decisions we made that are discussed in this nugget. Third, my children were born early enough (95 and 97) that they didn’t get smart phones until late in high school.
Your parents made three important choices before you were born about how to raise you, and we are happy with the results:
1) We arranged our economic lives so that we could live on one income, your father’s, allowing your mother to devote her full attention to raising you.
2) We decided that we would send you to Catholic schools.
3) We decided that we would not watch TV at home.
You were raised by your mother and not by daycare or a nanny. You got your education in a place where people talk about God, and where your classmates came largely from intact families that cared enough to pay for school. And, you learned that excitement in life comes from people and activities, and not from screens.
Your children are bodies, minds, and souls. They mature in that order, physically, mentally, spiritually. All three aspects need nourishment and encouragement and practice to thrive.
Cuddle, snuggle, and hug your children. They should know and love your touch. Teach them to love physical activity and exertion. Walking and running are joyful! Every child should learn to swim, to ride a bicycle, and to throw, catch, and kick balls. Enjoy music with your children, listening, singing along, and dancing1. Social dancing is a terrible thing for a culture to lose, and we seem to be well down that road. If your children show appreciation for music, by all means encourage them to try an instrument.
Read aloud to your children and with your children every day. When they are beginning to read slowly, keep the action moving by splitting the reading with them. You read the right-hand pages and let them read the left-hand pages. Even after they’ve "learned to read”, keep reading aloud with them so that they learn pacing and inflection. This will payoff later when they have to speak in public. Encourage your children to read, read, read. Lead by example. Read big, meaty books aloud with your kids. Winter evenings in front of a fire reading the Little House on the Prairie books, Harry Potter, or The Dragon Riders of Pern series are magical.
Nourish their souls by taking them to church and by praying with them2. Encourage questions, and give them real answers, even if you have to do a little research and answer later. Lead by example. Pray.
Dancing is good for their parents, too. Paraphrasing John Medina’s Brain Rules for Aging Well, “Dancing is wonderful. It combines socialization, exercise, balance, touch. You can't beat dancing for keeping young.”
As one example, my wife and daughter developed the habit of praying for the unknown sick and injured passengers of passing ambulances.
Great advice in this chapter. One thing my girls remind me of is how I would take them shopping at Christmas time and fill a cart with things for the local mother’s shelter for infants in need. One item in particular they remember was lots and lots of zinc oxide for diaper rash. They both had sensitive skin and would need it themselves, so they thought that was very important for kids that may be short on dry diapers. Thanks for your continuing wisdom!
I appreciated the three decisions. However, I missed that the importance of the role of the father was not called out. It says, “you were raised by your mother…”. I would like to see - and father - added. As Mark comments, fathers play very significant roles. If you didn’t change diapers or play with them, you still supported their mother so she had stamina, attention, and sanity to do it.